blog memories

Wow, i just finish reading my blog from the very start. And i notice how i write differently now. Well i have secrets to tell and even with this privacy i dont want those thoughts spilling somewhere else. How i wanted to write in details but oh well i love boggling my mind with mysteries. Oh to think i had two more blogs that totally deleted. Memories memories, now theres no way to get those back. I wish i can still remember those words i said back then. Only the feelings it coincides with i guess. It was worth writing and too precious to delete.but i did and im glad somehow. oh i learned something from one my entries, if you make a wish be detailed about it , yeah i was the one who wrote it and yet i forgot the rules of wishing hahaha so from now on i will be ms detailed.

evernote

I should've not let that happy feeling wash easily over me and completely break my newly transformed courage. But instead I used that courageous stupidity to something that will left me feeling down and on my begging knees again. Addition to the feathers on your crown. So here I am again....at the same road that I tried to sway away from. I need to get out and not hope again. I just don't need that. I have to accept that things will never be the same again. That wave that swept me off my feet is lost in the sea of make believes.

One and only you

the need to create a wall. To not further think of what could have beens or one heart's wish....should start piling up the stones. Stop wishing stop dreaming. For it will only be a one heart desire not two....

Fading?

I stopped for a reason that a weary heart can only explain. Tho as I tried to hold with answers that blinded me..the truth is there knocking on the senses in me. My soul is still where I want it to be but my heart is slowly fading away.

Hell again

It's starting all over again. The fear starting to crawl will eat the 'me' that I have bled to be born free.....the hell I am trying to stay away from is here again......

Follow

Obedience to the Divine ordinance. Be what is told and be what is ordered. will obey. But in time let the wind blow it's course to it's rightful place... To where freedom roams....to where the wave is...to it's home

Untitled

The missing part of the strong wave, slowly eating up the strength gained by little lies. Nothing can still throw away the storm that blew me away.  

The truth

acknowledging what's right from wrong. Blinding as the sunlight. How can anyone defy that neither can i. How can a strong heart survives that?

Dear john

It's been a year since I saw dear John. I finally had the strength to watch the trailer again. But still touched my heart and I can't help not to shed a tear on it.

Longing

I guess it just doesn't work that way, where I can just easily just leave it. Tho I know I'm alone on this fight, how far can i go with this stupidity. How can I still hold on to something when I'm only one stuck into it. My silent cries, my heart aching for something I can't even touch, I wasn't even allowed to touch. As i thought that i can finally close that door but Yeah I still long for you my fairytale.

Moving on

No need to stay where I was..I was so blinded to have believed. Now that everything is in the clearing I realized how I was wrong to have even gave you a portion of me... I was just an itch that needed to be scratched. Yeah I was a fool to believe that your not heartless. No more pain I choose to not hurt by you anymore. If you think that you won on this game of yours then feel that winning... its yours...I will not let me be touched by you no more...

A sudden change of heart came like a thief in the night, un invited, un expected , unwanted. So sudden that it took my feelings away in a mere blink of an eye... Am I happy about it?? Still looking for answers...when I have finally decided to stop here you are again...

The unexpected

turned off by un expectancy. Feelings geared to what it needed to get in touch with.... Yeah reality.... Finally acceptance
Comes clean with what's real by what's here on hand.

Homey2

One of the good things about staying home is I get to put decorations around the house. Yeh I did Halloween,Thanksgiving and (just this morning) Christmas. This is my first to experience a real Christmas tree and wow it smells so good!!! Not only the house is so reddish and silverish (that the chosen color for this year red and silver),the tree brings out that tingly smell that makes me sniff the air everytime I pass by it. We also put up alot of christmas lights outside so the house is twinkling at night time. It's nice,really nice...this little things brings me happiness all the time.

Homey

I have my nerves set up to 'slow mode', and my body is adjusted to it now. I used to run around and do errands just so I don't get bored, well it's been 4 months since I left my job so yeah all i do now is just cook and watch movies.
I dont want to get used to this tho, I would like to get a job soon and start earning.... And yeah have a lovely time for myself even for just an hour or two. I used to boggle my head on what to do when I was alone coz I was not used to that,now that I'm finally around with alot of people, I miss the quiet solitude of me,my music and my thoughts. Yeah life is weird, like all the time.

Starry starry night

I wanna be positive about this,optimistic as I could be. I will have that one wish I always long for. In Gods perfect time

Why?

Questions that suffocates me...over and over. I'll be wondering for the rest of my life. This one wish I can never have.

Untitled

My heart remains to where it was before,stupid I know but i just want to stand there still until I run out of reasons to justify why. My heart doesn't ache anymore for what it longs for I have accepted it's not for me to keep. Everything happens for a reason whatever that is I'm still trying to understand and accept it.

movie marathon

one beautiful sunday, 3 movies, a bucketful of popcorn and extra large soda. enough to make my kids happy and content and STILL for a day haha. i swear i'm running out of activities for them to do. i dunno why they get bored SO easily!

oh well, we are going to do this again next sunday, coz thats what i wanted for my birthday, another movie marathon with them. and harry potter is on too !!! so excited :)

the love for baking

i love cooking, don't get me wrong and it seems that it's all i do now. The kids loves the end product and that makes me happy. I get to experiment on some recipes i recently discovered, tho i only baked once, but i do use the oven pretty much. I do miss straining some flour, getting my hands sticky with icings and dough or decorating cakes. You see here, cakes are everywhere and any box you see seems to have a ready made bake goodies and all it needs is some water, shove it in the oven and its good to eat in 15 minutes. People here are amazed with you (with their jaw on the ground even) if you bake something from scratch. Im always tounge-tied with my reaction it seems that good old fashioned baking is not THAT common anymore. I hope i will never ever adopt to that. I always love to get my fingers dirty, have my shirt covered with either powdered sugar, cream or cocoa, get so tired with 8 hours of baking and eating the end result.And yeah i love sharing 'em too.