tip toe

can i just stay inside my shell where ill feel safe instead of being vulnerable of everybody's expectation?

should i take it as a challenge this time? or just walk like how i was asked to walk?

nope, definitely not going to be ruled again, not going to be controlled

ill be as i wanted to be and will enjoy 'me' wherever it will take me, however it will take me

mood swing

for some reason i dunno why i was kinda down this weekend, had a long ride with relatives, one comment just got stuck in my mind and for some reason i lingered onto it. It brought the blues and all i wanted to do that time was sat quietly at the back of the car and listen to music. The tears were not ready to drop, not just yet, but i know if it finally fall, i'll be okey. I just felt lonely all of a sudden, so i just quietly look at the trees as we passed by it. Nice time to be on 'emotional mode' Nice windy day...with nature all around...and my linkin park music.
I had a nice cry that night and so far, two days after, i think im okey. I can carry on and have the strenght to stand up until the next emotional episode. At least im not the type who bawls like a baby or ask pity/attention from friends or do things that i will regret oneday. I think im handling my 'drama queen episodes' like a strong mature person that i am.

tyra banks show

i got to see one that was about abusive relationships. its so revealing for me and helped me understand why such things happen. insecure guys wanted to feel manly, feeding up their egos on beating up their women so that they feel powerful and in control. one thing that really strike me there. was when tyra said that her abusive bf once told her that he likes to break women to make them stay...wow bullseye

i'm now found

the main reason why i don't really want to have my own friendster account is that i don't people to find me. Why? i dunno, i guess i just want my privacy..and mainly because i don't want to have to explain why is this person is looking for me and why is that, churvaloo churvaloo. But when i left, i decided to create my own account because i needed a place where i can store my collected pictures. As secondary to my webshots account. So there i was, put one of my cakes as my pic there and i slowly discovered that ( i am new to friendster) that there are people actually searching for me. Most of them i really don't know, and some are familiar and made my forehead wrinkled, thinking, why the heck is this person even wanting to add me or search for me, when i wasn't even close to those people. Anyways, i was 'finally' discovered by highschool friends and i can't help not to be overwhelmed, i mean with these are old friends , because even after all these years they still remember me. That life i lived so long ago. Funny how old feelings are coming back, memries of childish moments are all of a sudden..flooding. I can't help not to smile.

So, do i still feel i wanted to be found? well... im happy that i am.